On Not Actually Being Behind
For every parent who’s said “I know we’re behind,” and every student who’s worried it’s true.
Every summer, around this time, I get a text or a voicemail from someone referred by a former client. It’s usually the parent of a rising senior.
When we get on our first Zoom call for a profile review, there’s almost always a look of fear in their eyes as they open the meeting with the same four words:
“I know we’re behind.”
They’ve been wringing their hands with worry, guilt, even mild panic. They’ve thought about hiring a consultant but they’re not sure. They worry that every week that passes will only leave them even further behind.
If you’re a parent, you probably recognize this scenario. Here’s what I say to everyone I speak to when this happens:
“You aren’t behind; you just think you are. Trust me, it’ll get done. It always does.”
I’ve been helping students navigate the college process for more than three and a half decades. Here’s the truth: no matter how late you start, the list gets built, the essays get written, the deadlines get met. If you end up on a shorter timeline, it may feel rushed, and a little stressful. But everything will still get done.
I don’t want families to approach this process believing they’re behind, because that belief gets everyone anxious. Anxiety becomes avoidance, and avoidance creates more anxiety. Round and round it goes, until decisions become reactive. Everything starts to feel urgent; everyone else seems to be ahead. You’re paralyzed by fear and worry.
Here’s a secret: it’s a spiral we create ourselves.
So let’s break it.
And this part is for the student as much as the parent reading over their shoulder: start by getting clear on where you actually are.
Do you have a list? Have you gotten your schools onto an application tracker, with a clear sense of each one’s requirements?
Have you requested your teacher recommendations? Have you thought about other recommenders, like an employer or coach, you’d want to ask to support your application?
Is your resume updated? Have you trimmed your activities blurbs to 150 characters for the top ten you’ve chosen for the Common App?
Have you completed a solid draft of your personal statement?
Have you organized your supplemental essay topics and started drafting?
Have you started actually filling out your Common App? Remember, it turns over August 1.
Once you’ve worked through these questions, draft a list of what’s left to do and build it into a plan. Set your own timeline, mindful of deadlines. Then follow it.
In thirty-five years of working with thousands of students and families, I can assure you the process always completes. I haven’t yet worked with a student who didn’t submit on time. And, when a family understands they aren’t hopelessly behind, because they’ve heard it from someone who knows, something shifts. A switch clicks on, and suddenly they’re moving forward.
I live by a saying that I live by; it helps me through anything: you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. No matter how behind you feel, just start now. Build your plan and follow it, step by step.
And if you need help or advice along the way, reach out. This is exactly what the first profile review meeting is for.
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